Raising Self Confidence

This past weekend I was in Hampton, VA for my Mary Kay Career Conference. I had an awesome time and , as usual, I had an epiphany about some things. It is also good to have some self reflection and process emotions. I learned about myself and I wanted to share that with you all. I hope you learn some things about yourself as well.

At the luncheon I earned

As I’ve mentioned time and time again on my blog, I have been in this business since the age of 18. Starting off still in high school meant starting off learning about this business as I was still learning about myself. So then in 2013 I had reached one of the highest levels in my business, Sales Director. This is the top 1% of the company. But after a year I had to step down from that position and my confidence was rocked. It felt like failure and i was super hard on myself. It took me a while to even want to get back into that position because my mindset wasn’t right. And then when I did start trying it seemed difficult. Then I was told by a mentor that if I’ve done it once I can do it again. It was all in my mind! I had the skills I just had to believe in myself.

So as of July 2018 I am a Sales Director again! But then I started to feel another confidence issue rising up. I was 30 at the time and there were ladies on my team who were older than me and seemed more polished and put together than me. My thoughts turned to how can I lead this wonderful group of ladies? So I shrunk myself and started acting as if I wasn’t the leader. I cheered them on from the sidelines.

But that brings us back to this mist recent conference I attended. The number one director at this conference filled with hundreds of women was a 27 years old woman. It felt inspiring to see that! So when she asked for questions at the end of one of our trainings I stood up to ask her about my dilemma of not feeling big enough to lead. She gave some great pieces of advice and here they are:

1. Wear things that make you feel confident i.e. a certain suit, a certain hairstyle, etc

2. Pray for belief

3. Hitch your wagon to someone with more belief (Live off of their believe until you have your own)

It was such an eye opener to see that I had not been feeling like a leader so I had not been leading my team. And that doesn’t help anyone involved. So my new mantra in life is “If you have the skills, don’t let your emotions get in the way.” No longer will I allow my feelings to make it seem that I am not worthy of the position I worked hard to be in. Do you sometimes deal with doubt or low self confidence? How do you deal with it? Please comment below with your tips and other comments. And don’t forget to follow my blog by pressing the button at the bottom of the page.

How to radically accept change in life

Change…it’s inevitable! Yet somehow when it comes I’m either surprised or sad so I start to procrastinate on in hopes of slowing it down. Is this healthy? Of course not lol. But awareness is the first step right? I certainly hope so. Because I am now attempting to better handle transitions in life because I have plenty of them. And if change is going to be a constant, then why not be a master at it.

I think my main resistance to change has been fear, fear of the unknown. I can sometimes be controlling but you can’t control change. It just happens to you. I like clearly knowing what is ahead of me so I can have a game plan but that’s often not the case for life. But I started working on this issue when I was in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and I learned some something called radical acceptance. That phrase basically means that we can’t change certain things about life, so we have to learn to accept it, completely.

Some ways to improve your radical acceptance levels are being present in the moment (finding the good things and focusing on that), being mindful of your emotions and not letting them take over, and improving the moment with things like prayer, meditation, or some source of self soothing. I know it can be hard to remember tips like these when you’re in the moment. I often do myself. But what I do find helpful is being aware of my surroundings and my emotions. If I sense change is coming and I sense my emotions are not helping the situation, I have to do something to change that. And that’s when I start reaching into my DBT skills.

I hope you guys gained something from this! My blog is all about this thing called life being a group effort. So if you have any tips on how you deal with change, please write them in the comments. And don’t forget to follow my blog by pressing the button at the bottom of the page.

Don’t be hard on yourself

Lately I have had a lot going on with my businesses and life in general. And since I deal with anxiety my first reaction was to dwell on all the bad things that were going on. When you are in the middle of that, it can feel like you’re drowning and every negative thought is another feet you go under the water. But then I spoke with my mother and she reminded me of all the positive things that that been going on as well. It’s so interesting that when you get into a cyclone of negativity not even the positive things that happen in that timeframe can help. You become so enamored with the “woe is me” that you ignore any light that may come your way. It was nice to hear my mother remind me of those things because even if they were small or big it was something I did for myself and therefore it was a reminder that I can make things happen! I encourage everyone who may be in a rut to make a positivity list of ANY positive thing that has happened to you in the last week. Seeing your skills laid out in front of you encourages you to keep pushing. We all have our down moments but we can not stay there or else we will be stuck in that timeframe forever. And your next big break might be over this hump. Any time you have a negative thought about yourself or your work/business/blog/etc. AUTOMATICALLY combat it with something from your positivity list you make. And as much as I sometimes hate this phrase sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. So even if you don’t fully believe you can achieve your next goal you have to keep telling yourself you can until it happens!

There are two caveats I have to this piece of advice and they are people who deal with clinical depression and those who might need tough love. First, those who might have pushed themselves as hard as they could with positivity and still haven’t seen a mood change might need to seek professional help about clinical depression. I am not a doctor so I can not say for certain whether someone is sad or depressed but if you feel as if you might be depressed, please see a doctor. The second is tough love. Sometimes in life we are pretending as if we’re working as hard as we can to reach our goals and we actually aren’t. In those times we don’t need a positivity list but instead tough love. Whether it be yourself or a close friend/family member, sometimes you need someone to tell you to pump it up. Do more work because you know you can and you’re meant to be in a higher level of purpose by now. We have to be honest with ourselves and know that we could work harder, make a plan, and then work it!

So again, I encourage everyone to write a positivity list of all the great things they’ve done this past week and focus on those things any time a negative thought comes in your head. What type of things do you do when you’re feeling down on yourself? I can use all the help I can get lol