Raising Self Confidence

This past weekend I was in Hampton, VA for my Mary Kay Career Conference. I had an awesome time and , as usual, I had an epiphany about some things. It is also good to have some self reflection and process emotions. I learned about myself and I wanted to share that with you all. I hope you learn some things about yourself as well.

At the luncheon I earned

As I’ve mentioned time and time again on my blog, I have been in this business since the age of 18. Starting off still in high school meant starting off learning about this business as I was still learning about myself. So then in 2013 I had reached one of the highest levels in my business, Sales Director. This is the top 1% of the company. But after a year I had to step down from that position and my confidence was rocked. It felt like failure and i was super hard on myself. It took me a while to even want to get back into that position because my mindset wasn’t right. And then when I did start trying it seemed difficult. Then I was told by a mentor that if I’ve done it once I can do it again. It was all in my mind! I had the skills I just had to believe in myself.

So as of July 2018 I am a Sales Director again! But then I started to feel another confidence issue rising up. I was 30 at the time and there were ladies on my team who were older than me and seemed more polished and put together than me. My thoughts turned to how can I lead this wonderful group of ladies? So I shrunk myself and started acting as if I wasn’t the leader. I cheered them on from the sidelines.

But that brings us back to this mist recent conference I attended. The number one director at this conference filled with hundreds of women was a 27 years old woman. It felt inspiring to see that! So when she asked for questions at the end of one of our trainings I stood up to ask her about my dilemma of not feeling big enough to lead. She gave some great pieces of advice and here they are:

1. Wear things that make you feel confident i.e. a certain suit, a certain hairstyle, etc

2. Pray for belief

3. Hitch your wagon to someone with more belief (Live off of their believe until you have your own)

It was such an eye opener to see that I had not been feeling like a leader so I had not been leading my team. And that doesn’t help anyone involved. So my new mantra in life is “If you have the skills, don’t let your emotions get in the way.” No longer will I allow my feelings to make it seem that I am not worthy of the position I worked hard to be in. Do you sometimes deal with doubt or low self confidence? How do you deal with it? Please comment below with your tips and other comments. And don’t forget to follow my blog by pressing the button at the bottom of the page.

How to radically accept change in life

Change…it’s inevitable! Yet somehow when it comes I’m either surprised or sad so I start to procrastinate on in hopes of slowing it down. Is this healthy? Of course not lol. But awareness is the first step right? I certainly hope so. Because I am now attempting to better handle transitions in life because I have plenty of them. And if change is going to be a constant, then why not be a master at it.

I think my main resistance to change has been fear, fear of the unknown. I can sometimes be controlling but you can’t control change. It just happens to you. I like clearly knowing what is ahead of me so I can have a game plan but that’s often not the case for life. But I started working on this issue when I was in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and I learned some something called radical acceptance. That phrase basically means that we can’t change certain things about life, so we have to learn to accept it, completely.

Some ways to improve your radical acceptance levels are being present in the moment (finding the good things and focusing on that), being mindful of your emotions and not letting them take over, and improving the moment with things like prayer, meditation, or some source of self soothing. I know it can be hard to remember tips like these when you’re in the moment. I often do myself. But what I do find helpful is being aware of my surroundings and my emotions. If I sense change is coming and I sense my emotions are not helping the situation, I have to do something to change that. And that’s when I start reaching into my DBT skills.

I hope you guys gained something from this! My blog is all about this thing called life being a group effort. So if you have any tips on how you deal with change, please write them in the comments. And don’t forget to follow my blog by pressing the button at the bottom of the page.

The Friend Zone Live in DC experience

This past Friday I went to Gallaudet University to watch a live podcast of The Friend Zone which is a podcast that speaks on mental health, self-care, music, pop culture, and everything in between infused with humor. It’s hosted by Fran, Assante, and Dustin. What I love most about the show is their unapologetic blackness and openness about how they journey through life. It’s always refreshing to know I’m not alone. And I love hearing tips I can put to use on how to deal with the stressors of life. So when I heard that they were coming to town and would be doing their podcast in person I made sure to make myself available. But there was a bit of a journey getting there. So here my story!

Although I love it once I’m out, I can be a bit of a homebody at times. I recently joined the friends’ section of bumble (see my thoughts on that here) to meet new friends. We met up and ended up discussing our love of this podcast. A week or so later I saw they were coming to town and we bought tickets to attend. But then she ended up not being able to go. As someone who deals with social anxiety, the thought of going to this event by myself was truly terrifying. And as it got closer and closer I still couldn’t find anyone to go with me which was causing even more anxiety. I had some decisions to make. But eventually, I decided to go by myself. This was a big choice for me since I don’t do things like this but I didn’t want to waste a ticket or miss this experience. But also in the last ditch effort, I posted how I would be attending on the FB fan page for the group and someone commented that they would be attending so we ended up exchanging numbers and sitting together.

The second challenge I dealt with was getting to the event. I am not good at parallel parking, so anytime I go to an event in DC, I always make sure I have my parking situation straight first. So looked it up and the auditorium the event was in had free parking attracted to it. Then there was traveling to DC. Friday night in the DC area it was raining really bad. This meant the traffic was really bad too. People don’t know how to drive in the rain so they either drive slow or drive too fast and cause accidents. It was supposed to take an hour and it ended up taking almost 2. Towards the end, I could feel that my anxiety was feeling really high. I started taking deep breaths to calm myself down and it worked. It was still a good time when I arrived, therefore, I got a good seat.

I wanted to write on this subject because I was proud of myself for so many reasons. I overcame a lot of objections and obstacles to get to the live podcast but I pushed through. And I’m glad I did because I enjoyed myself once I was finally there. And it was even more enjoyable because I pressed my way to get there. It may not seem like much but when your mind is constantly telling you all the things that can go wrong because of anxiety, it’s awesome when you can ignore all that and still press through.

In their last podcast, they had done a review of the year from their perspective, their highs and lows. So at the live podcast, they switched it up and looked at all that has happened over the year through pop culture. They were funny and insightful as always. They also shared their top moments over the year which was very inspiring. They are three successful black people and to see and hear the things they’ve done over the year pushes me to want more. They always had their friends from another podcast called Gettin Grown, Tykeia and Jade, there alongside media personality Mouse Jones. I was happy I got to see them as well because it reminded me that everyone who surrounds you should have goals they’re actively working on and successes under their belt. When you have a group of powerful friends you should all push each other towards greatness and that’s what it feels like they all do. They also had a singer from Philadelphia named Beano French perform and it was very good. I enjoyed his performance. Overall, it was a great experience. It’s always awesome to see a bunch of black peoples of all shapes and colors looking awesome and filled with black excellence.

Here is a link to The Friend Zone podcast

Here is a link to Gettin Grown podcast

Check them out!

Tykeia, Jade, and Mouse Jones

Assante, Fran, and Dustin

Have you guys ever been to see a podcast live? Do you have any issues you’ve recently overcome? Share it all with me in the comments! And don’t forget to follow my blog by pressing the button at the bottom of the page.